29 days tho...
Doctor appointment on Weds.
Went home early from work today.
I hate what is happening to me right now.
Got up at 4:15 a.m. to go to work and by 9:30 I had used 4 tampons. There's just so much bleeding. Where is it all coming from!? I don't understand. But I couldn't hardly sit at work and bleed all over myself. So gross! I hate to miss so much work. I know we need the money. I know Eric is frustrated. Not just over the money but I know hes worried. I did call the doctor today and made an appointment for November the 23rd at 10:20 a.m.. Not 10:15. Not 10:30. 10:20. So weird.
As I stated yesterday, I hope it's nothing. But at the same time I hope that it something so I can move forward with the resolution. I can't continue to miss work (... due to blood loss? What? What is wrong with me!)
I keep thinking of Jeremy's cousin, Patty. If she had gone to the doctor sooner when she had menstrual problems would she still be alive? Or with the cancer still have killed her? It was so stupid of her to go to the chiropractor all those years for a menstrual issue. I can see now though how humiliating it is and how badly I want to avoid going. I don't want a doctor all up in my business either.
Tired. Seems like I combed out a ridiculous amount of hair this morning. Nauseous. Couldn't sleep last night from the cramps and the worry.
I can't have a serious problem. I couldn't hurt my parents with the news. I wouldn't want Eric to go through it with me. He would tho. Every step of the way.
I'm hoping less cramping today is a good sign that this last run might be over.
I'm starting to worry.
It's day 23 of my "period". Sorry to get gross, but what's happening to me is pretty gross. No way around it. Today my flow is heavy - like thank goodness my bathroom is 5 feet away and wondering how I'm going to go to work tomorrow kind of heavy. I'm miserable. Constant pain and discomfort in my abdomen, lower back & hips. So tired. I'm embarrassed and grossed out by my own body and it's taking all my will power not to go hide in bed. Actually, I think I'll finish this blog from bed ...
Ok, that's better. Being horizontal seems to take some of the pressure off.
My last doctor appointment was 10/6 to follow up on my my previous visit for anxiety. When I mentioned to my MD that my last period was 18 days long and that they're normally two to three months apart and 10 to 14 days, she seemed dismissive. She was in quite a hurry to get to her next appointment so prescribed birth control pills to try to regulate my cycle and asked me to schedule a physical for the middle of January and she'd check for polycystic fibrosis.
16 days later I started bleeding again & haven't stopped in 23 days.
Left on my own to learn about polycystic fibrosis - fibroids - of course read every little tidbit on Google about every possible worst case scenario. Which, in all actuality, isn't too bad. Common growths in the uterus. I need to lose weight and, long term, maybe have a surgery. No big deal. But then words kept coming up in my searches like endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease .... cancer.
I know, I know. Web MD thinks everything is cancer. Stubbed your toe? Cancer. Hangnail? Cancer. Funny ha ha ... until I started thinking about my full list of symptoms.
Lower back pain
Hair loss (more than normal)
Vaginal pain (maybe from 23 days of using tampons?)
Vitamin D deficiency
And, of course I'm overweight. I'm 5'10" and need to lose 75 lbs to be at a normal bmi. You can do the math if you want to, but I don't want to think about it.
Are all those symptoms related? Probably not. Do they mean i have cancer? Also probably not. Also, there are several symptoms I don't have. I don't have high blood pressure, anemia or problems with my thyroid. All those checked out when my doc ran tests before diagnosing me with anxiety and depression.
Do I wait until January or do I call my doctor and go in sooner? Going sooner Pros: action towards a resolution, less worry about "what if", my boyfriend will stop bugging me to call, getting it over with. Cons: I'm disgusted and embarrassed by this, I don't want somebody all up in my business with this going on. What if it's something bad? What if it's not? And, of course, a huge con (that maybe shouldn't be relevant when considering my health) is this could get expensive.
And that's pretty much where I am with the whole thing. Hoping it's nothing so it's a non issue, but also hoping it's something so I can get a diagnosis and some help.
Since I'm already laying down, I think I'll nap and try to get away from it all for a while.
I have such an easier time at keeping track of writing things down when I have time off from work. Time to myself. I read an article not too long ago about how we all use time as an excuse. "I don't have enough time". The article showed me that that's rarely true. It's not about time. It's about our priorities. Anyway it's something I'm working on. When I find myself wanting to say "I don't have time for that" I think about what I'll be doing instead and I'm sure I'll either find the time or change my terminology.
My priorities need to be my family, my health and my happiness.